OMG New Girl. I totally love you.
In this barren wasteland of television known as The Last Week of December, or That Time Between "A Christmas Story" and "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" Where They Don't Air New Episodes Of Anything, I started thinking of those shows that I will not be watching or DVRing this week. And OMG New Girl, you are SO FUCKING FUNNY.
You know, I gotta admit, when I first heard that there'd be a show starring Zooey Deschanel, I thought it would be horrible. Don't get me wrong, New Girl, I like Zooey Deschanel just as much as the next indie hipsterish chick. But I figured they would essentially make the Zooey Deschanel Variety Show, or the Zooey Deschanel Half Hour, or Let's Watch Zooey Deschanel Be Cute Every Week In This Time Slot. No actual show of substance, or with, I dunno, OTHER PEOPLE IN IT. Figured some TV exec blowhard decided to try to make an entire show out of her persona. It was like that article that was in BUST recently about She & Him, an article that was supposed to be about the BAND, the TWO PEOPLE making music together. I looked forward to learning about M. Ward, who the guy with the cool glasses was and how this little band came to be. Instead it was "this is an article about Zooey Deschanel who's so cool and her coat was rad and she sings too and this other guy was there and he opened doors for us. yeah". Epic fail, non?
But I was wrong, New Girl. You are the exact OPPOSITE of what I thought you'd be. You're not just about cute fictional Zooey Deschanel, Jess Day. You're about the other people around her too! The other characters actually get screen time without her. And I love you all individually!
Nick: you dance naked to Jamaican music! You're neurotic! Cheap! You can mix drinks! You're funnyyyy.
Winston: Dude you're growing on me. I liked Coach a lot, but then he left to be on that show that comes on after Modern Family that I don't really pay attention to. So they filled him in with other Token Black Guy, but you are MORE than Token Black Guy. You've known Nick (see above) for ages, you treat Schmidt like a redheaded stepchild! You crack me up also. For reals.
Cece: my husband thinks you're hot. So obviously I could take you or leave you.
Jess: you're basically me, except cuter clothes, nicer hair and skin, the glasses I want, and no stretch marks. And although you're an improvement on me, I don't resent it! (This is very important.)
Schmidt: oh Schmidt. I think I know what's most appealing about you, and it's something I think is very obvious. You have a vagina. Well, perhaps not physically. You have a mind-vagina. There is no way that a heterosexual male could be so vain, so nitpicky, so out of shape, so knowledgeable about cooking, without maintaining some sort of vagina on their person. And I love you for it.
No, really, New Girl, you make my Tuesday evenings. My sides are so split they shall never reunite. Please don't be cancelled for some bullshit reason.
Love,
A Fan
